Dad flips out when wife refuses to babysit 11, 7, and 6-year-old stepsons so he can attend bachelor party: 'The kids are terrors, so babysitting does not come cheap'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 14, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Choosing to marry someone who already has kids is always going to be complicated, especially when they are younger. Conversations need to be had about how to take on the role of stepparent, and the process of introducing that to children is not always easy. Add to that an ex who still has a say in their kid's lives, and there is a heck of a lot that can become a headache for somebody who is a partner to a parent.

The reality is that no matter what your individual stance on having children may be, step-children add an extra layer of responsibility to your life, whether you like it or not. Often, the most difficult thing about this is maintaining boundaries that are acceptable for all involved. Unfortunately, it's near-inevitable that there will be times when these do not work in the way that everybody hopes that they will.

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to babysit my husband's kids so he can have some time off?

    My 29f husband 34m has three kids from a prior marriage. 11m,7m,6m. They are absolutely terrors, as both of their parents have struggled to agree with parenting and rules. When I met my husband four years ago, he stated that he isn't looking for a mom for his kids. His kids have two parents, and he's looking for a wife for himself. I like kids but I've never wanted any of my own. I was open to the idea of him having kids. Back when we dated, he had the kids on weekends. Things were fine with the
    via aitahhusbandskids
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10493733120
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found herself experiencing this when she refused to babysit her husband's three kids so he could go on a bachelor weekend with his friends. The man had fifty-fifty custody with his ex, and they found it difficult to get babysitters because of the expense and the behavior of his young sons.

    The wife reasoned that it wasn't fair to expect her to babysit when, at the start of the relationship, he had promised it was not a necessity. To his annoyance, this stopped him from going on the bachelor weekend, and it left her wondering if she was in the wrong.

  • 03

    "He thought it would be no big deal"

    Long story short, in the last year they've moved from weekends to fifty- fifty. Since the kids are old enough to not need their mom as much, this was always the plan. One parent has the kids for a whole week, and other has the kids the next week. Husband lost his job and got a new job that pays less. Niece also went off to college. Husband can't afford any of the local babysitters because they charge quite frankly a lot. The kids are terrors so babysitting does not come cheap. Husband is also no
    via aitahhusbandskids
  • 04
    I was kind of miffed that he waited to last minute to ask me. I told him that I can't because I have to go to the gym, and I have brunch plans with my mother. And honestly, I just don't want to. Sounds like a good way to ruin an otherwise good weekend. Also, why would I watch the kids so their dad can go get plastered and ogle s ers with his friends? No thank you. Not like it was an emergency or something. Dan was very upset because he couldn't go. I brought up the fact that before we got marrie
    via aitahhusbandskids
  • 05

    "I think he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father"

    I like his kids. I cook for them sometimes. And take them out to do stuff occasionally. I show up to their sports games. But this is for me and the kids. I would say that they all really like me, because I don't try to meddle and pretend to be their mom. I'm their dad's wife that they like. I love Dan but I think he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father. He signed up for this. Having kids means you don't always get to do the things you want to do. AITAH? Edit: Their mom won't
    via aitahhusbandskids
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    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07

    While many thought the husband was in the wrong, they also questioned the future of the relationship.

    id12345678910 NTA. He waited until the last minute so there wouldn't be time to discuss other options that would be more expensive or inconvenient for him.
    via id12345678910
  • 08
    fuzzybunnybaldeagle Not to mention, if he is a groomsman they could have planned the bachelor weekend when he didn't have the kids...
    via fuzzybunnybaldeagle
  • 09
    Inspiration-void Not to mention, it sounds like he can't really afford to go on a "bachelor weekend"...
    via Inspiration-void
  • 10
    throwfaraway212718 This is what got me; if you can't afford a babysitter for your kids, you can't afford to go out. Period.
    via throwfaraway212718
  • 11
    ProfessorDistinct835 NTA. If he has the money for the Batchelor party and strippers, he has the money for a sitter.
    via ProfessorDistinct835
  • 12
    Other-Durian-8689 Seriously... his "time off" is when they are at their mothers and his job with him is to be with them not a bachelor party especially when he "has no money" for a baby sister. I'm calling BS.
    via Other-Durian-8689
  • 13
    Open-Article2579 If he wants to do things when he has the kids, then he needs a second job when he doesn't have them so he can afford a babysitter. Or can stay his a home like the rest of us under those circumstances
    via Open-Article2579
  • 14
    Beautiful-Elephant34 NTA. "He seemed surprised because he thought I would've changed my mind." This right here tells me everything I need to know OP. Stick to your boundaries OP. Your husband was trying to pull a fast one on you by waiting until the last minute thinking that his urgency was also your urgency.
    via Beautiful-Elephant34
  • 15
    Medium-Fudge459 Bhahaha this man has 13 more years of children at home. You are in for a long ride.
    via Medium-Fudge459
  • 16
    Quiet-Hamster6509 It's only going to get worse. He won't want to handle the permanent 50/50 parenting load and he'll start to say that if you love him you'll help with his kids. This marriage won't last. Good luck.
    via Quiet-Hamster6509
  • 17
    notmindfulnotdemure And it's funny how she mentions, it switched to 50/50 because they don't need their mom as much now. Meaning dad only wanted them when they can watch themselves lol.
    via notmindfulnotdemure
  • 18
    chartreuse avocado Let's not forget 50/50 likely lowers his child support payments.
    via chartreuse_avocado
  • 19
    aztex_tiger NTA But girl really? You really thought this conversation would NEVER happen? You should have seen this coming a mile away
    via aztex_tiger
  • 20
    Ohwowitsjessica I think you went into this relationship with blinders on.
    via Ohwowitsjessica
  • 21
    IdleNotVital Ma'am, if you don't like kids and had no interest in being a mother figure, this was not the man for you.
    via IdleNotVital
  • 22
    Ornery-Willow-839 NTA for refusing to babysit, but this will ruin your marriage because it will happen over and over. Yet another cautionary tale - don't marry a man with kids if you don't want kids! If he's a good father, he will resent you first not loving them as much as he dies. If he's a bad father, he'll resent you for not taking over for him. Either way, you're screwed.
    via Ornery-Willow-839
  • 23
    languagelover17 This might get downvoted, but I think ESH. why on earth would you get into a relationship with a man with 3 small kids when you have no interest in being any kind of parental figure? That's not fair of him to spring this on you now, but come on, you thought that not doing parenting with kids that young would last? That's delusional. Poor kids.
    via languagelover17

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aita kids stepmom wife relationships parenting husband babysitting dad family reddit thread Reddit bachelor party stepson
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